This is how you have a happy holiday season when your loved one has dementia
Although Andy Williams insists that the holiday season is “the most wonderful time of the year,” many of us disagree. That’s because the mandated festivities often present a host of challenges — logistical, financial, emotional, and otherwise. When our family includes a person living with some form of dementia (your person), those difficulties may be amplified.
It takes thoughtful planning to ensure your family’s celebrations are enjoyable for everyone (including you). But it is completely possible to adapt your plans for a joyous season. Here’s how!
What is it you no longer need to do? What works for you and your loved one?
Choose what matters most from all the traditions and rituals from your lives together. With round-the-clock caregiving, it may not be feasible to juggle all of your religious and ethnic observances from the past. You may need to reduce the number of observances to avoid feeling overwhelmed and frustrated. What is possible now, is the new normal. Take a portion of the old tradition and incorporate that into your holiday. This is an area where you can ask your person the traditions they would like to include for the celebrations. Making the effort to include your person in some way for each aspect of the celebrations, reinforces the fact that you care about what is important to them.
Once you’ve formulated your plan, share it with your loved ones, and share it early.
Ultimately, your activities should be appropriate to the current skills and abilities of your person.
Break down complex tasks into individual steps. This will allow your person more opportunity to participate. Lighting the menorah, decorating the tree, decorating cookies, and other holiday activities can all be broken down into specific steps that will allow your person to be included in meaningful ways.
Include singing and dancing in the celebrations! Remember the power of music to engage, connect and highlight your person’s abilities. Play familiar music when decorating. Stop and dance a minute!
The more you alter your loved one’s daily routine, the more likely you are to aggravate confusion.
It may make more sense to adapt your family gatherings.
For example, instead of entertaining the whole clan at one time, you may need to limit the number of attendees at a holiday dinner. Spread out several smaller gatherings over the course of several days. Give yourself and your person a chance to rest between festivities. When you do have friends and family visit, have a quiet place where your person can retreat to, if the gathering becomes too much for them.
Similarly, new environments can increase disorientation and pose safety concerns.
Because of this, you might forgo restaurants or relatives' houses in favor of your own home. Controlling your loved one’s space is the most efficient means of keeping confusion at bay. Head off problems by avoiding such things as alcohol or rearranging the furniture. And be mindful that, sometimes, shimmering, blinking, and bright ornaments can increase your person’s confusion.
If your loved one does want to participate in a religious ceremony, consider attending an earlier, less crowded service, or ask a member of the clergy to make a house call.
Consider both what your person is capable of and what you, as a caregiver, can handle given your demanding role. Have no expectations for your person, no judgments, no requirements. The same goes for you. Do what can be done, with no regret for “all the things you used to do.” This is the new, “way things are done.” It works for your lives now.
Gift giving is an aspect of many holiday celebrations. If visiting a store doesn’t work for you or your person, shopping online can be a great alternative. Wrapping presents together can seem overwhelming, but your person could place the bow, or help with taping the edges that you hold together. When considering giving a gift to your person, the most precious gift is one of time. Perhaps, those who would like to give gifts to your person will be happy to spend time with them in the upcoming months. Going for a walk, sharing photos from the past, or playing a game of cards are meaningful ways to share time with your person.
Remember to enjoy yourself! Remind family members that gifts of help for the caregiver are also gifts to the person! A family member or friend can care for your person, giving you time for yourself. During that time, you should do what YOU want to do for yourself, not what “needs to be done.”
If you would like to discuss these suggestions, especially how they can work for you and your person, please do not hesitate to call ADRC at 407-436-7750 and speak with one of our team members.
We wish you a peaceful and joyous holiday season.