This is how to show up powerfully for Care Partners: 5 ways to help
Dementia-related brain changes are so prevalent that most people know someone impacted by its various expressions — Alzheimer’s disease, vascular dementia, frontotemporal dementia.
That means that most people, if not a Care Partner themselves, know someone in this role.
Many feel drawn to offer Care Partners support, but they stop short because they’re not sure how to do so without stepping on toes, imposing, or otherwise saying the wrong thing.
This is a mistake. Care Partners may seem fiercely independent, but they often desire help. They may simply struggle to name what they need.
So how can you help?
Provide the Care Partner with the Alzheimer’s & Dementia Resource Center’s contact information
The Alzheimer’s & Dementia Resource Center exists to provide educational resources, support groups, self-care opportunities and care coaching to Care Partners. Point them to the website, adrccares.org, give them the phone number, 407.436.7750, or send them to this newsletter.
“But don’t expect them to call the next day,” said Robin Rountree, ADRC’s Director of Communications and Media. “Give them the resources and back off. Asking for help is a really hard thing.”
Provide the Care Partner specific options for help
“A lot of people say ‘If there’s anything I can do…’” Rountree said. “That is not helpful. Make a list of three things that you can do.”
The individual offering support might invite the Care Partner on a walk, allowing her to vent, and providing a listening and compassionate ear.
The offering might be a monthly dinner, or even respite care.
“What Care Partners really need is respite care,” said Alexandra Garnier-Mercier, ADRC’s Director of Programs and Services and Care Partner. “The anxiety sometimes you are facing – you do need a break, otherwise you will break down.”
Rountree said the person pitching supportive offerings should scan for her unique skillset.
“What is something simple that you can take off their plate, just to make an inch of space on that plate,” she said. “Time is one of the biggest gifts you can give.”
Good Listeners should offer space to vent.
If the individual lending the Care Partner a hand is a good listener, a safe, judgement-free space to vent and self-express is a sacred gift.
It’s important to refrain from giving unsolicited advice and to avoid one-upping the person who is sharing their frustration, confusion, grief.
“You’re not there to be a medical expert,” Rountree cautioned. “That’s their doctor’s job. Don’t offer medical opinions unless you have an MD behind your name.”
Garnier-Mercier said that listening to the Care Partner is essential.
“They know (what they are talking about) because they’re providing care first hand,” she said.
“You don’t have to solve the problems,” Rountree added. “There are no easy answers to give.”
The permission to feel the emotional spectrum that this journey presents is essential.
Moral support and cheerleading can be a game changer.
“It’s not like I’m saying I want praise,” Garnier-Mercier said. “But encouragement because it’s very hard.”
It’s important to ask how the Care Partner is doing.
Often, the question is “How is mom?” instead of “How are you?”
It’s a simple switch, but it demonstrates compassion for both people navigating dementia.
The person offering support should do so a few times.
“If they’re not receptive in that moment, they might not be to that point where they can accept help, but come back in three weeks and they could be in a much different place,” Rountree explained.
Asking for help is hard and sometimes takes time. Just checking in on the Care Partner and making sure they aren’t socially isolated is a way of helping.