How One Man Found Strength While Caring for His Wife with Alzheimer's

Not long after 19-year-old Jim Laird got married, he asked his new wife, Audrey, to bring home beer from the store. She refused. He didn’t know at the time that her denial of his request marked the beginning of a spiritual journey that would sustain him through life’s hardest moments. 

“She wanted me to read the Bible, and I wanted beer,” said Laird, now 75. “I said, ‘Okay, I’ll read the Bible with you if you’ll let me buy beer occasionally.’”

She agreed, and Laird’s faith deepend and expanded greatly during their 56 years together. 

When Audrey was diagnosed with Alzhiemer’s at the peak of the coronavirus pandemic, it was Jim’s trust in God that afforded him the strength required to support her.

“Without God’s help I couldn’t have possibly gotten through this,” he said days after her passing. “Caregiving is one of the highest values in the Kingdom of God, and I realize the greatest caregiver is God. He put me in the position of a caregiver and that’s how I can express His love, and how I can be more like Him as I focus on that person’s needs and what I can do for his needs.

“(I realized that) the most important thing that I will ever do in my life is to provide the care that my wife needs in dealing with Alzheimer’s,” he said. 

This reverence for his role as care partner guided Laird’s own self-care during this time. 

“One of my greatest fears of course was that if I should be sick or I should pass away, then the family would have to find some other way of caring for her,” he said. 

The Alzheimer’s & Dementia Resource Center’s training workshops and ongoing support were lifesavers, Laird said, because in addition to getting his questions answered, he also learned how to tend to his overall wellbeing. 

“(I learned) how I can keep myself literally alive as well as function,” he said. “And ADRC Chief Operating Officer Edith Gendron has become such a mentor and encourager. I’ve told her before I wish I could just clone her and keep her in my pocket because she’s such an encyclopedia of knowledge.”

The program even led him to play the acoustic guitar as a means of connecting with himself, as well as his son and son-in-law. He also played for his wife. 

Now, his home office includes a Martin D-35, Breedlove, and Taylor guitar. 

“All three of them have different sounds,” he says. “They play differently. I figured if I couldn’t play well, at least I could have good guitars.”

He became fastidious about maintaining a good diet, and exercised at home when he could. He joined a men’s support group offered through ADRC, too. 

During those gatherings, he connected with other men in his situation, and the stories he heard helped him find the assurance he needed to navigate this journey. 

“One thing that I’ve learned through this process is that caregivers need a lot of care,” Laird said. “And I’ll never take for granted again someone who I know is providing care for someone else in expressing my desire to help, and doing whatever I can to help them.”

The Alzheimer’s & Dementia Resource Center’s teachings helped Laird to distinguish between Audrey and the disease that took so much, and, together, he and his wife created profound moments of connection through it all. 

The couple went on a couple ADRC Embrace the Moment excursions, which are meant to foster connection between care partners and the people they love, and Laird continued to express his unconditional love as often as possible. 

He plans to continue attending the men’s support group for the time being.

“If anyone wants to express their love in any way, I would appreciate you making a donation to ADRC in Audrey’s name,” he said. 

His advice to others walking his path?

“Trust in God… He’ll be your strength. Don’t isolate yourself. Connect with others, especially others who can share with you and can share experience. Seek expert advice from organizations that are focused on the caregiver… Trust that God is going to get you through this.”

For more information on ADRC’s wealth of resources, please visit adrccares.org or call 407-436-7750.